One punch- and another, then wham- here's another. Do you have days or weeks like that too? When you feel your soul can not take another blow- another problem, another conflict, not an ounce left in you for any hardship.
That's exactly how I felt last week- what changing medicine? What is that going to do?
Then WHAM!
In the mail is the specialist report- WHAM! Metabolic disorder WHAM! Genetic Disorder WHAM! WHAM ! The thud that goes into your guts & heart when you get unexpected bad medical reports.
This may be a medical report or illness but for you the stress of a big bill, the pain of broken relationship, the hurt of conflict but I'm sure you know exactly how I felt when I opened the letter. Thud, WHAM. When your head and heart start spinning-
No!
What does this mean?
And even harder -Why?
Then the tears- the waves of sobs that come from the depths of the mumma heart that wants different things for your toddler, for no more pain and no sickness.
I didn't see this coming- but God did- He knew.
I don't know what this means for the future- He does. (Jeremiah 29.11)
I am filled with fear and anxiety- He has invited me to give the worry to Him (psalm 55.22) and He will get me through.
The hardest and most overwhelming times are when my faith is tested, refined and deepened. I have a mumma's heart and it feels like it is going to break, I have a Saviour and He says He has us in the palm of His mighty hand.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
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My heart went out to you when I read this post. God knows what lies ahead for you and your family, but in our human-ness, it's so hard to understand why or see the bigger picture. When we have nothing left, we have to trust, even though it's so hard. You are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much D, I have got a numb kind of peace today, I am reading all I can on trust and refreshing my mind in reading quietly those promises and having music on in the house but being really careful not to let my mind run off on the "what-if" wagon.
ReplyDeleteThank u dear sister,
hugs
C