Friday, January 10, 2014

Hanging on!

After reading a lovely post over at  Just 18 Summers called "going green"  & the beauty of house plants.

Since "E" came to visit our home anything that is not bulletproof has steadily slipped away- we used to have African violets but their leaves are irresistibly wonderfully soft and delicate and they really don't do well having their leaves rubbed by the handful on your face & chin...... needless to say they are a memory that I hadn't really noticed was now missing from our home.

I have to confess my only "houseplant" that I have is a TINY piece of bamboo on my kitchen windowsill in a small glass with a few rocks in the bottom & water that has been there for a year & is still under 3″ tall! 
It came to our home from a trip to bunnings where it snapped off and lil miss amongst tears & noise just couldnt “leave it there to die” imagine the scene with all the drama and emphasis added, you know the one that motivates a mumma to grab that lil tip of plant, ask the garden lady if we can have it & then leave! 

This is our house plant, it has been there in a permanent state of shock but is still hanging on- lol I guess that about describes my year too!!

What will move this lil green waif from shock to growth and to thriving? 
1) meet the basics first- water, food and shelter (or safety from lil fingers!!)
2) access to Light (for my bamboo it is filter through the cobwebs & splotches of my non- immaculate kitchen windowsill- be kind and overlook that!!)
3) love and nurture (not being left on the floor to be swept away as rubbish in the hardware store)

These are pretty much items of my all purpose survival list! 
Meet the basics- mumma needs coffee +/- food at the beginning of everyday, if its 2pm and I haven't had anything I have not meet the basics and can't expect to flourish- ye I will get by, experience says so but I have not set myself up to thrive 
Access the Light- Read -Pray -Nourish in The Word everyday. I know my desperate need for fellowship with the Father in my day and my life and everything is better when I spend my time with The Lord yet still this is the first thing I allow to be stolen when life gets out of control- then life really is out of control. I think Paul's verse of "the things I know I should do I don't do ".... comes to mind....
3) love & nurture- from the deep parts of my heart, not super mum style with display home & chore- perfectionist medals pinned to my chest but out the overflow of my soul- you know the snuggle on the lounge and read golden books or under a blanket fort in the middle of the lounge room with Lego & princess jewelry! 
I'm not saying that things don't need added to this list  on "non survival mode" days but it is a BASE list- a place to start and survive from. Add things yes, but do not take away these basics and soon flourishing will come ... now let's put the kettle on!

Bless you today :)

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Permission for the Lady in the mirror

In a recent email a Mum asked for actual strategies as she feels she does 90% of the chores in the house and the school concerns & her DH is doing less.

Do you struggle with this???

Reading through an email from another struggling mum with small kiddies  I realised the words I replied were much more for me than her. God gave me words then gently said now go stand in front of the mirror there is a mumma who needs to hear this in there!

I'm giving myself permission to

1. Accept help &  imperfection- even a 3yo can make their bed- don't straighten it after them either- as a friend once said, someday you will miss those crinkles,

2: don't iron (except business shirts!)  not EVERYTHING has to be perfect- 50% of our to do list is minor & realistically not essential

3: ask specifically for the help you want / need- get a cleaner, ask girlfriends, pay a trusted teen, better still ask hubby: ( be real specific !!)  "please make 5 vegemite sandwiches & 5 drink bottles" again don't sweat the small minor but annoying stuff- who cares if its not cut or wrapped perfect- the lunches are made and the jobs off your list!! ... & remember a thank u.....   (Yep I know I don't get a thank you for making lunches ...ever.... but hey you would thank the neighbour for throwing together a sambo, snack & a bottle for your kids if you were running late- so extend your hubby the same & throw a thank you out to him- they are free but worth a lot!!)

4: life, marriage & family is about relationship- love your hubby & your kids- let go of the chores balance act- you do more, a wife & mumma always will- we are wired that way. Don't let yourself get into resentment about it - stop doing non essentials, so that you can have time to enjoy the husband & kids you are working so hard for & don't let "you" get stolen by doing- in 20 years they won't remember chores as much as they will remember laughter & time with mumma. Give yourself permission to ease up & not be super mum- we all need to give ourself this- me too!!

Also Grab a copy of "Five love languages"- chances are you feel loved by works/acts of service : guaranteed your hubby has a completely different "language" he isn't being lazy or hateful or manipulating he just gives & receives love completely differently & probably is completely clueless as to why it bothers you so!!! 

Fight for your marriage, you need it, your kiddos need it, don't be tricked into throwing it away over vacuuming and packing lunches.

I hope when you & I look in the mirror you will tell the Lady you see in there to be kind to herself. 

Blessings xx