Right here

I can't write for tears. 

The criticism, fears & struggles have sapped my belief in any hope I had of being a good enough wife, mum, anything. 

The list of "to-do" is insurmountable when even the most mundane task takes the skill of a hostage negotiator & renders every judging eye piercing you. 

Am I "good enough?" 

Will everyone laugh out loud when all those plates I'm spinning come crashing down into a million pieces breaking my heart, my family & tearing my soul with them?

Then the whispered promise "I've got you"

1But now, O Jacob, listen to the LORD who created you.

O Israel, the one who formed you says,

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.

I have called you by name; you are mine.

2When you go through deep waters,

I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty,

you will not drown.

When you walk through the fire of oppression,

you will not be burned up;

the flames will not consume you.

3For I am the LORD, your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

                                                             Isaiah 43 (NLT)

Do I hear that voice- Do I listen and believe the words are for me?

Do you?

I want to grab hold so tight to the One who whispered these precious words to me tonight & next time when that ache comes - you know the one that dwells deep in a failing mumma's heart which jumps up and condemns her when she is struggling & exhausted - I want to replace the fear with My Saviour:

- I'm called by name, 

- I am His, 

- I will NOT be consumed , 

- I will NOT drown. 

Thank you Jesus for loving me, right where I am.

Milestones

Tomorrow is a milestone for our family.
Tonight, I tucked my lil Miss C into her bed for the last time as a preschooler- tomorrow my baby goes to school to start kinder!
It has almost been three years since encephalitis came to our home & forever changed my world. Lessons have been learned, strength has been found & tears, many tears have been shed.
Tomorrow marks a day that I did not think possible 3 years ago, I thought unlikely 2 years ago & I thought would be a nightmare 1 year ago.
We have all changed and grown. Miss C has learned the big things- to walk & talk again, the little things are sometimes tough- her wee mind is busy and sometimes very disorganised- words like post encephalitis ADHD & Autism jump about on pages of Drs reports.
Words, tags, labels that describe but don't define.
My baby girl could better be described as unique, delightful, energetic, honest (a little much so somedays.... ;)  happy & blessed.
I couldn't see this day as a reality, I could only see what my eyes saw & feel lost, hopeless & worried.   The Father saw differently.
He sees all our tomorrows- He has a great plan & abundant provision & grace.
Mumma might need some tissues, He knows that too!
I'd better put the kettle on early!