Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Sorry for the silence

I haven't disappeared from blogdom- life has become a huge appointment shedule- with our beautiful girl back & forward into hospital & having anesthetics, tests, MRI's, lumbar punctures, seizures & general hardships from this awful encephalitis.

We have had celebrations that have bought joy too: we have all had birthdays- lil C turned FOUR in march!! (yay & we celebrated at home- her 2nd birthday ever that she actually was not in a hospital for!!) our other sweet DD turned 14 & Dh & I also had birthdays in April- so we have over indulged in cake & worked a few long overdue smiles & lighthearted fun in too!

Another milestone was DH & I celebrated 18 years of marriage last week, I have been really challenged to look at my family relationships as special- to celebrate the everyday & not underestimate the value of the ordinary.

Life is tough, it hurts, it is time to bring happiness & laughter to our home -on purpose! -especially when inside I want to weep.
I'm finding it too easy to say "I cant face it- I
hurt- I won't bother" but the "thief comes to steal, kill & destroy" (Jn 10:10)

In fact, I'm letting go of an important part of Gods plan for my life in surrendering my joy- because Jesus said "He came that we may ENJOY life" & So I am choosing to LOOK for opportunities to find joy even if my heart is breaking.
Spending time quietly before the Lord I realise that I struggle with fear & trust- that not having all the answers To my lil girls illness is such a barrier that puts me into cycles of reasoning, planning , manipulating (trying to get Drs/specialists to see us & help her & to get the clinic that she needs close by with the right therapist takes every organizational, sweet talking skill I have & then some - medical practices have a " way" all of their own & when you are desperate they are VERY frustrating.! But when I stop I'm exhausted & I am saddened by how much I do in my own steam- my fear takes away my faith. I am so small & I I don't see as the Father sees & so Most of my worries that I lay at His feet I grab back again & instead of trusting -I worry.

I wrote out a statement that I have made up to remind me- my motto if you will- from that time facing my fears with the Father:

"if we could see as God sees:
our worries would turn to trust
& our fears would turn to dust"
I forget this quickly & worry again, but I am going to keep reminding myself & turn those fears to dust!!
Hugs all xx
In His Grace,
C

7 comments:

  1. I've been wondering about you, Carolyn. :) Thanks for the update on your life. I will be praying for your family. I love your statement on trust. Gotta keep our eyes on Jesus!

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  2. Carolyn,

    I discovered your blog via a comment you made about my books on Michael Hyatt’s blog. Your insights in your writing are so beautiful and vulnerable and offer such truth and encouragement, I will definitely be checking back often! (In fact, now that I think about it… I’d love to include a link to your blog in a new reader email I’m starting…may I?)

    I’ll be praying for you and your family (and especially for Lil) in all that you are going through.

    Hugs,

    Karen Linamen
    Humorous Inspirational Speaker for Women

    P.S. New book alert! The Chocolate Diaries has just been released!

    P.P.S. Congratulations on your anniversary! May the Lord bless you and your husband with many more celebrations, as a couple and as parents!

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  3. Precious Carolyn,
    I can't tell you the times the Lord has laid you on my heart to pray for you over the past several months. He does see and He does care...sending strangers from all over the world to lift you and your precious family up in prayer! I feel a special kindred with you since I have a 4YO as well...born in March! My heart aches when I think of what you face, but I know that I know that I know the Lord is working ALL this to your good because you love Him, AND HE LOVES YOU! Your faith and heart for Him are an encouragement. May He continue to supply ALL your needs according to His riches and glory. So good to hear from you!
    Marilois

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  4. Carolyn,
    I have been thinking about you a great deal this week and lifting you up in prayer. Just want you to know!

    May He keep you in perfect peace as you set your mind on Him!

    ML

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  5. Hugs to you Marilois, you send a message at just the right moment, thank you, your prayers are appreciated!

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  6. Thank you dear Carolyn for sending me an e-mail on my blog in response to my comment on Just Between Us (Jill Briscoe). I'm the mom whose daughter is in a coma at home. I can't seem to reach you via e-mail. I just learned how to check my mail on my blog & didn't see your note to me till now. God bless you this 2012 dear sister. Hope to hear from you some how. God willing I will. Love In Christ, ~Leslie

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  7. Oh sweet Carolyn. I am sorry for all that you are going through. I am praying for you, asking God to scoop you up in His arms of love and hold you close. Sending big hugs your way!

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